Roger Lowenstein on the important ballot initiative on charter schools in MA

Roger Lowenstein on the important ballot initiative on charter schools in MA:

These students have big plans for the future—including college. And why not? They are learning twice as fast as their peers in traditional schools, on average. According to a 2013 study by Stanford University's Center for Research on Education Outcomes, Boston charter students "gain an additional 12 months in reading and 13 months in math per school year." Remarkably, African-Americans in the city's charters are progressing faster than white students at traditional public schools. 

Such results have made Massachusetts ground zero for the national charter debate. Due to state laws limiting charter-school capacity, 32,000 kids—most of them poor minorities—languish on waiting lists. This year the state legislature tried to craft a compromise to ease the restrictions but failed. Now it's up to voters: A referendum on the November ballot would authorize the state to open as many as 12 new charters each year, adding to the roughly 70 in operation now.

In one sense, the ballot measure, known as Question 2, has already proved a boon: Money is pouring in. Pro-charter groups and individuals, including former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, have contributed more than $12 million to pass it, according to financial reports filed with the state. Local unions and the American Federation of Teachers have raised about $6.8 million to defeat it. By comparison, a ballot item to legalize pot has smoked out only $3 million.

A Bay State Referendum on Charter Schools

Boston's charter-school students are learning twice as fast as their peers. Why vote against more charters?

Posting admission by lottery results at a charter school in Boston. Photo: Boston Globe via Getty Images

By Roger Lowenstein 

WSJ, Sept. 26, 2016 7:34 p.m. ET 

http://www.wsj.com/articles/a-bay-state-referendum-on-charter-schools-1474932876 

A well-deserved honor for Dan Porterfield, the President of Franklin & Marshall College

A well-deserved honor for Dan Porterfield, the President of Franklin & Marshall College and my friend and fellow ed warrior:

Dear Friends in the Education Community,

I'm writing to share the exciting news that this Friday, Sept. 30, the White House will recognize Franklin & Marshall College President Daniel R. Porterfield as a "Champion of Change for College Opportunity." Please read more here about this tremendous honor for Dan and for F&M. You can also view a short video about F&M's work to expand college opportunity here.

We are very pleased to note that F&M friend and partner Nicole F. Hurd, founder and CEO of the College Advising Corps, will also be recognized as a Champion of Change. F&M has hosted for many years the Pennsylvania College Advising Corps, which provides college advising resources in rural and urban high schools across the Commonwealth.

Dan will accept this award at a White House ceremony Friday at 2 p.m. If your schedules allow, you will be able to view the event via the White House's live stream at whitehouse.gov/live.

Please join me in congratulating Dan on this great recognition of his work and of Franklin & Marshall College.

All the best,

Kevin Burke

Vice President for Communications
Franklin & Marshall College

Here's a pic of us at the KIPP School Summit two summers ago:

Thomas Tilson, Ph.D.

Education Consultant

+254-733-440036

603-286-0044

Skype:  ttilson

tomtilson@gmail.com

A very alarming trend, drinking to blackout

Speaking of higher ed, this is a very alarming article about a very alarming trend, drinking to blackout. A must read (especially if you have/care for kids at or near college age):

I hadn't known it at the time, but this was my first introduction to the aspirational "blackout." That is, intentionally drinking with the goal of submersing yourself in so much alcohol that you can't remember what happened and the only vestiges that remain from the night before are the videos on your friends' phones.

I attended that college for one year before transferring to the University of North Carolina. During that time I never got "blackout," but I was a frequent observer of it. I'm not naïve; I know that drinking is part of the college experience, you hang out with some friends, you party too hard and sometimes you pass out. But what I saw was something different.

… Of course, many college students drink, including the scholarship winners, the three-sport athletes and the club presidents. They're free from their parents, and they feel safe because everything is in walking distance. Drinking on campus is by far the most convenient way to have fun. Plus it's cheap and accessible. But there's something else in the mix, something that pushes them from casual drinking to binge drinking to blackout.

I think it's the stress. It permeates everything we do as college students. Many small, elite colleges are insanely competitive to get into in the first place and they remain competitive as students try to outdo one another with grades, scholarships, extracurricular activities and internships. Having been one of those hypercompetitive students, I can tell you that it never feels like enough. The person sitting next to you in class is always doing more and doing it better. I became obsessed with stacking my resume, even more so than I was in high school. I saw it as a reflection of whether I would succeed in life. And I'm not alone. The obsession seems largely driven by fear — fear of a crumbling job market, of not meeting parents' expectations, of crippling loan debt.

… So the mentality behind the decision to black out boils down to the simple question of why not? No one will stop you. You're in a familiar environment. You assume that if you black out, someone will make sure you get back home. And most of the time you do get home, which makes it seem a lot lower risk than it really is and allows for it to be repeated every weekend.

The way we as students treat the blacking out of our peers is also partly responsible for its ubiquity. We actually think it's funny. We joke the next day about how ridiculous our friends looked passed out on the bathroom floor or Snapchatting while dancing and making out with some random guy, thus validating their actions and encouraging them to do it again. Blacking out has become so normal that even if you don't personally do it, you understand why others do. It's a mutually recognized method of stress relief. To treat it as anything else would be judgmental.

There is also a tacit understanding that blacking out works as a kind of "get out of jail free card." A person can say or do any number of hurtful or embarrassing things and be granted immunity with the simple excuse that they were "blackout" that night. People accept this with no question. Blacking out therefore becomes a way to avoid responsibility. Of course, this mentality backfires with issues such as sexual assault when people are held accountable for their actions.

Despite the risks — health and otherwise — blackout is not going away. Not as long as we continue to be competitive overachievers who treat the trend as a joke and as our only means to relieve stress. At the end of the day, for a lot of students, forgetting will always be the best option.

Drinking to Blackout

Ashton Katherine Carrick

ON CAMPUS SEPT. 19, 2016

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/19/opinion/drinking-to-blackout.html

Thomas Tilson, Ph.D.

Education Consultant

+254-733-440036

603-286-0044

Skype:  ttilson

tomtilson@gmail.com

Cuomo Called for ‘Reboot’ of School Standards.

Good to see:

·        Cuomo Called for 'Reboot' of School Standards. Officials Propose Tweaks Instead.,www.nytimes.com/2016/09/22/nyregion/new-york-state-school-standards-andrew-cuomo.html

·        Saving the Common Core in New York, http://nypost.com/2016/09/24/saving-the-common-core-in-new-york

How Texas keeps out tens of thousands of children out of special education,

What a total disgrace! (and a great piece of journalism!): How Texas keeps out tens of thousands of children out of special education, http://www.houstonchronicle.com/denied/. Excerpt:

in Texas, unelected state officials have quietly devised a system that has kept thousands of disabled kids like Roanin out of special education.

Over a decade ago, the officials arbitrarily decided what percentage of students should get special education services — 8.5 percent — and since then they have forced school districts to comply by strictly auditing those serving too many kids.

Their efforts, which started in 2004 but have never been publicly announced or explained, have saved the Texas Education Agency billions of dollars but denied vital supports to children with autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyslexia, epilepsy, mental illnesses, speech impediments, traumatic brain injuries, even blindness and deafness, a Houston Chronicle investigation has found.

More than a dozen teachers and administrators from across the state told the Chronicle they have delayed or denied special education to disabled students in order to stay below the 8.5 percent benchmark. They revealed a variety of methods, from putting kids into a cheaper alternative program known as "Section 504" to persuading parents to pull their children out of public school altogether.

"We were basically told in a staff meeting that we needed to lower the number of kids in special ed at all costs," said Jamie Womack Williams, who taught in the Tyler Independent School District until 2010. "It was all a numbers game."

Texas is the only state that has ever set a target for special education enrollment, records show.

It has been remarkably effective.

In the years since its implementation, the rate of Texas kids receiving special education has plummeted from near the national average of 13 percent to the lowest in the country — by far.

In 2015, for the first time, it fell to exactly 8.5 percent.

If Texas provided services at the same rate as the rest of the U.S., 250,000 more kids would be getting critical services such as therapy, counseling and one-on-one tutoring.

"It's extremely disturbing," said longtime education advocate Jonathan Kozol, who described the policy as a cap on special education meant to save money.

"It's completely incompatible with federal law," Kozol said. "It looks as if they're actually punishing districts that meet the needs of kids."

Thomas Tilson, Ph.D.

Education Consultant

+254-733-440036

603-286-0044

Skype:  ttilson

tomtilson@gmail.com

Kenyan 8th graders have won full scholarships to Avenues school in NYC

To my NYC friends,

 

I'm on the board of Bridge International Academies, which runs low-cost schools for poor families in Kenya, Uganda, Nigeria, Liberia and India.

 

Two of our Kenyan 8^th graders have won full scholarships to Avenues school in NYC starting ~11 months from now, but to attend they need a host family for August 2017-May 2018. (After May 2018, the likely scenario is a classmate becomes the host family.)

 

Below is an email with details from my friend Mike Goldstein, who is Bridge's Chief Academic Officer.

 

If you or anyone you know might be interested, please contact Mike.

 

Thanks!

Whitney

 

This is a chance to do a good deed, particularly for NYC families with kids....

 

Two Kenya 8th graders earned full academic scholarships to Avenues.  That's a terrific prep school in NYC.   Utterly life-changing for these kids.  They'll start August 2017 as 9th graders.  

 

But Avenues (22nd Street and 10th Avenue) is not a boarding school.  So each kid needs a host family, for August 2017-May 2018.  (After May 2018, the likely scenario is a classmate becomes the host family). 

 

I know that sounds audacious.  But once you wrap your head around the idea, it's very do-able!

 

I would handle the "Kenya side": introducing host family to student's Kenyan family; addressing plane tickets, clothes, medical insurance, passport and visa; ongoing academic support; mentorship (I have a Kenyan-born friend in New York City who is great at this). 

 

On holidays, (Thanksgiving, Xmas, springbreak, etc), the kid could stay with my family in Boston to give the host family a break. 

 

My organization has 4 Kenyan 9th graders right now in USA boarding schools (in Florida, Georgia, and Virginia) on full scholarships.  They are "killing it" (succeeding academically and socially; carefully chosen kids).  My own children are age 8 and 6, and they LOVE it when our Kenyan teenagers stay with us...and my wife Pru loves how it opens our kids' eyes to the world, and makes them appreciate what we have. 

 

Might be ideal for someone who just had a kid go off to college....maybe an empty room? 

 

Obviously if someone were interested, the starting point is not wanting someone to say "Yes, I will do it" right away.  The next step is simply "I'm interested and would like to learn more."  We'd take it slow before any commitment were made.

 

Thank you. 

 

Best wishes,

 

Mike

michael.goldstein@bridgeinternationalacademies.com

 

Thomas Tilson, Ph.D.

Education Consultant

+254-733-440036

603-286-0044

Skype:  ttilson

tomtilson@gmail.com

John Oliver w examined the scandals

John Oliver was unusually brilliant in his show this week, in which he examined the scandals surrounding both campaigns: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lfd1aB9YI&feature=youtu.be

 

Since few people will have the time to watch the entire 21 minutes, here's a summary with some of the best quotes:

·        In the first half of this show, Oliver took an in-depth look, pulling no punches, at the two major scandals that have been plaguing Hillary, her emails and the Clinton Foundation.

·        Oliver concluded: "We've spent several frustrating weeks trawling through all of the innuendo and exaggerations surrounding her email and foundation scandals, and the worst thing you can say is: they both look bad, but the harder you look, the less you actually find. There's not nothing there, but what is there is irritating rather than grossly nefarious."

·        Oliver then pivoted in the second half of his show to look at Con Man Don's scandals. He continued: "And this is where it's instructive to compare her to her opponent, Donald Trump, America's wealthiest hemorrhoid. Because, if you are struggling with the idea of voting for Hillary because of all this, you need to take a long, hard look at Trump. If you're irritated by her lying, that is understandable. But he's quantifiably worse." 

·        Oliver then went on to highlight Trump's nonstop lying, refusal to release financial information or agree to put his assets in a blind trust if he's elected, the self-dealing by his foundation, the ongoing lawsuits against Trump University, his alleged use of undocumented workers to build Trump Tower, and an illegal $3.5 million loan from his father to bail out his failing casino.

·        Oliver's brilliant conclusion:

 

The point is, this campaign has been dominated by scandals. But it is dangerous to think that there is an equal number on both sides. And you can be irritated by some of Hillary's. That is understandable. But you should then be fu*king OUTRAGED by Trump's. Think of it like this: ethical failings in a politician are like raisins in a cookie. They shouldn't be there. They disgust people. But most politicians have at least a few raisins, and Hillary is a cookie like this one [holds up a cookie with many raisins in it]. She arguably has more raisins than average – there's probably 10 of those little fu*kers in there. But we all need to remember that when it comes to Donald Trump, this is the amount of raisins that he represents [raisins begin pouring from the ceiling, covering Oliver's desk a foot deep]. The main is a fu*king raisin monsoon! He is ethically compromised to an almost unprecedented degree! So if you don't like raisins, I get it. They're disgusting. But unfortunately, this November, you're gonna have to swallow 10, or we're all going to be eating this sh*t for years! [Oliver picks up two handfuls of raisins and throws them toward the camera.]

Thomas Tilson, Ph.D.

Education Consultant

+254-733-440036

603-286-0044

Skype:  ttilson

tomtilson@gmail.com

Disgraceful attacks on charter schools

Speaking of disgraceful attacks on charter schools: 'It's Heartbreaking:' Boston Parents Ask Why Their Wealthy Neighbors Are Fighting Charter Schools, https://www.the74million.org/article/its-heartbreaking-boston-parents-ask-why-their-wealthy-neighbors-are-fighting-charter-schools:

 

What's the matter with Newton?

That's what Dawn Tillman wants to know. Why would her neighbors in the hyper-upscale Boston suburb of Newton, located just eight miles to the west, deny a KIPP charter high school to a kid in hyper-downscale Roxbury, where she lives?

Not just any kid. Tillman is thinking of her son, Brandon, who currently attends a KIPP middle school but faces dicey prospects for high school. KIPP could quickly expand its current middle school into a high school, but the current cap on charter schools prevents that.

Oddly, the question on the Massachusetts November 8 ballot to raise the current cap on charter schools — Should charter schools be allowed to expand by 12 a year? — will be decided by white suburban voters in places such as Newton, which lacks a single charter school "threatening" its budget.

At first, it appeared logical that suburbs such as Newton would support lifting the charter cap. This is where Boston's business class lives, historically wary of unions and always hopeful for a better-educated state. Many of the top business leaders in Boston, those funding the lift-the-cap ads running on TV, live in suburbs like Newton.

However, recent polls, along with unexpectedly intense anti-charter activity in places like Newton, suggest that support may be soft. Just before school opened in Newton this year, the union staffed a table outside its ($200 million) high school to encourage teachers to oppose the cap lift. Recently, Tillman attended a meeting in Newton where she said she heard plenty of talk against lifting the cap.

All of which makes her ask: Why would Newton teachers and parents, who are unaffected by charters, vote to deny better schools for the low-income neighborhoods of Boston?

"It's heartbreaking," said Tillman. "This does not affect their budget. Why don't they want to help their brethren in our ZIP code? A lot of these schools here are just pipelines to prison. This is our life we are talking about."

It's a total disgrace that the NAACP, which is supposed to be fighting for black families, is instead betraying them. Gee, I wonder if it has anything to do with the unions giving them a lot of money??? It reminds me of the saying, "Whose bread I eat, his song I sing."

 

Here are two excellent editorials in today's NYT and yesterday's WaPo. Here's the NYT, A Misguided Attack on Charter Schools:

 

... sound research has shown that, when properly managed and overseen, well-run charter schools give families a desperately needed alternative to inadequate traditional schools in poor urban neighborhoods.

 

... For many parents and students, a charter school is the only route to a superior education. In advocating a blanket moratorium on charters, the N.A.A.C.P. would fail to acknowledge what's happening to children who need and deserve a way out of the broken schools to which they have been relegated.

And here's a powerful and spot-on Washington Post editorial:

Cheering the call for a moratorium — and a similar resolution approved by the Movement for Black Lives — are the teachers unions that have waged a fierce battle against charters — and that have provided financial support for NAACP activities. It will be interesting to see if the NAACP acts in those interests or in the interests of the nearly 700,000 black families who send their children to public charter schools, and the tens of thousands more who are on waiting lists.

A Misguided Attack on Charter Schools

By THE EDITORIAL BOARD

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/13/opinion/a-misguided-attack-on-charter-schools.html

NAACP proposed moratorium on charter schools Here is what you can do

Here's what you can do:

On Saturday, the NAACP Board of Directors is meeting to vote on a resolution proposing a moratorium on new charter schools. The proposed resolution would ultimately reduce opportunities for African American students, many of whom come from low-income and working-class families.

Supporters of the moratorium have been directed to make phone calls to the NAACP – we need to make sure our voices are heard, too.

Call 202-759-6227 now to be connected to the NAACP and tell them that charter schools are working for African American students in our country.

For many urban families, charter schools are making it possible to do what affluent families have long been able to do: rescue their children from failing schools. We need to act now to protect charter schools.

Call 202-759-6227 and ask the NAACP to vote against a moratorium on charter schools.

--

Sent from Postbox

Predators in the Classroom

An important WSJ article, Predators in the Classroom: http://www.wsj.com/articles/predators-in-the-classroom-1475872085:

 

Individual cases of sexual abuse by teachers receive a great deal of attention, but how widespread is the problem? Why we still know, and are doing, so little

Speaking of disgraceful attacks on charter schools: 'It's Heartbreaking:' Boston Parents Ask Why Their Wealthy Neighbors Are Fighting Charter Schools, https://www.the74million.org/article/its-heartbreaking-boston-parents-ask-why-their-wealthy-neighbors-are-fighting-charter-schools:

The NAACP opposes charter schools. Maybe it should do its homework.

Parents, schoolchildren and education activists rally during an event supporting public charter schools. (Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

By Editorial Board October 11 at 7:05 PM

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-naacp-opposes-charter-schools-maybe-it-should-do-its-homework/2016/10/11/473bbb36-8d75-11e6-bf8a-3d26847eeed4_story.html

Reducing class sizes is one of the LEAST cost-effective ways to help students

Good to see, as reducing class sizes is one of the LEAST cost-effective ways to help students (but the unions love it for obvious reasons):

Over the years, at least half the states have used mandates or incentives to reduce class sizes, but the reductions are one of the most expensive interventions in education, and lately, some places are backing off the limits.

Wisconsin, for example, is ending its program after two decades to give schools more flexibility in deciding how to improve achievement.

California, which has spent at least $20 billion since 1996 to reduce class sizes, has loosened its restrictions and now has some of the most crowded classrooms in the country with 22.5 pupils per teacher, according to the National Education Association, which notes that K-3 classrooms typically have nine or 10 more students than the student-teacher ratio.

Florida has spent more than $30 billion since 2003 to reduce class sizes, but state lawmakers have repeatedly looked for ways to ease the requirement.

Some argue there are better ways to boost achievement than taking on the expense of hiring more teachers to staff additional classrooms.

"Small classes do provide modest benefits to the students with respect to academic achievement," said Martin West, an associate professor of education at Harvard, "but the benefits are less strong than being assigned to a particularly effective teacher."

Schools Learn Expensive Lesson on Class Size

Many states spent billions to shrink student-teacher ratios but now seek cheaper ways to improve performance

Kindergarten students get to know each other at Westside Elementary on the first day of school for Hernando County, Fla. on Aug. 10. Photo: Brendan Fitterer/Tampa Bay Times/Zuma Press

By Jo Craven McGinty

WSJ, Sept. 30, 2016 10:28 a.m. ET

http://www.wsj.com/a

New Accountability for Teacher Prep

It's high time that schools of education, which are mostly diploma mills, are subject to some scrutiny and accountability:

The U.S. Department of Education released final regulations for teacher preparation programs Wednesday that will push states to rate the effectiveness of the programs and tie access to federal grants to student success.

The rules will also require states to be much more active in determining whether programs are effective, at risk or low performing -- the three levels of performance outlined in the rules.

The final rules come after years of negotiated rule making and gathering of input from education interest groups, including teachers' unions and teaching programs themselves. Former Education Secretary Arne Duncan early in his tenure called out teacher preparation programs that he said were doing a mediocre job of preparing educators, largely siding with reform groups such as the National Council on Teacher Quality in finding teaching programs a too-easy path to a college degree.

The new rules require reporting of program-level data on graduates' job placement and retention, consistent with what the Obama administration is doing in other aspects of higher education; feedback from graduates and their employers; and learning outcomes of students taught by graduates of prep programs. The final rules gave significant flexibility to states to determine the specific measures used to gauge student learning outcomes. But that component of the regulations still came under criticism from teachers' groups, which say it will have the effect of punishing programs that place teachers in low-performing schools.

New Accountability for Teacher Prep

Federal regulations impose new standards on teacher education. Reformers endorse plan  to link program evaluations to student performance, to dismay of teachers' groups.

By

Andrew Kreighbaum

October 13, 2016

http://www.realcleareducation.com/2016/10/13/new_accountability_for_teacher_prep_41297.html

It's no surprise that Trump's hateful rhetoric, which is spreading like a cancer into every corner of the country, is also infecting our schools:

"It's producing an alarming level of fear and anxiety among children of color and inflaming racial and ethnic tensions in the classroom. Many students worry about being deported," Maureen B. Costello wrote in the center's report on The Trump Effect.

"Other students have been emboldened by the divisive, often juvenile rhetoric in the campaign. Teachers have noted an increase in bullying, harassment and intimidation of students whose races, religions or nationalities have been the verbal targets of candidates on the campaign trail," Costello said.

The Trump Effect: Our kids and country are still being contaminated

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump speaks during the presidential town hall debate in St. Louis Sunday night. (Pool/Reuters)

By Petula Dvorak Columnist October 10

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/the-trump-effect-our-kids-and-country-are-still-being-contaminated/2016/10/10/bd96b244-8eed-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html

My Tiger Mom Prepared Me for the Ultimate Sin: Not Being the Perfect Daughter

By Diana Tsui

http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/10/i-survived-a-tiger-mom.html

A very powerful essay by the daughter of a Tiger Mom. She concludes:

In his acceptance speech at the Emmy Awards this year, Master of None writer Alan Yang ended by saying, "Asian parents out there, if you could just do me a favor: If just a couple of you can get your kids cameras instead of violins, we'll be all good." It got me thinking — if my mom had applied her tiger zeal toward supporting me in what I wanted to do in life, what could I have achieved? If my friends, some of whom express ambivalence over their career paths, were given more choices, where would they be? Could we live the elusive immigrant dream, but on our own terms?

If you asked me 20 years ago how I expected my life trajectory to go, I would have told you college, med school, become a doctor. But that's not how things went. I am not the rich medical professional my mother hoped for, though I am economically more secure than my parents, and I am able to enjoy life more than she was. I'd like to say we have a good relationship, but we don't. Something broke between us when I declared my independence. She still believes I could become a doctor and berates me every so often because she thinks I work too much for too little money. When I ended her dream and began my own, we endured a fraught cold war over the course of the first two years where she'd go from screaming and threatening to not speak to me again to calling me like nothing happened. It could be days or weeks between calls; the longest was two months. All I could do was turn the other cheek because I knew that therapy, the best way to solve this problem, was not in the picture. It would trigger another blowout, because the last thing my mother wanted was for others to hear our dirty laundry. Plus, in her mind, she wasn't doing anything wrong.

I think a lot about what I would do if I choose to have children, and I'm deeply ambivalent about becoming a parent. Besides the fact that my mother would command a presence in their life, I'm terrified of turning into her. I look at my internal monologue and the offhand comments I make to friends, and I see the effects of her parenting. I worry I'll be as overly involved, demanding, and strict. But then I think about what I'd truly want: for my kids to work hard toward their happiness, whatever that may be, even if there are unpleasant bumps along the road. And maybe this self-awareness is how you survive growing up a tiger cub.

Powerful essay by the daughter of a Tiger Mom

In his acceptance speech at the Emmy Awards this year, Master of None writer Alan Yang ended by saying, "Asian parents out there, if you could just do me a favor: If just a couple of you can get your kids cameras instead of violins, we'll be all good." It got me thinking — if my mom had applied her tiger zeal toward supporting me in what I wanted to do in life, what could I have achieved? If my friends, some of whom express ambivalence over their career paths, were given more choices, where would they be? Could we live the elusive immigrant dream, but on our own terms?

If you asked me 20 years ago how I expected my life trajectory to go, I would have told you college, med school, become a doctor. But that's not how things went. I am not the rich medical professional my mother hoped for, though I am economically more secure than my parents, and I am able to enjoy life more than she was. I'd like to say we have a good relationship, but we don't. Something broke between us when I declared my independence. She still believes I could become a doctor and berates me every so often because she thinks I work too much for too little money. When I ended her dream and began my own, we endured a fraught cold war over the course of the first two years where she'd go from screaming and threatening to not speak to me again to calling me like nothing happened. It could be days or weeks between calls; the longest was two months. All I could do was turn the other cheek because I knew that therapy, the best way to solve this problem, was not in the picture. It would trigger another blowout, because the last thing my mother wanted was for others to hear our dirty laundry. Plus, in her mind, she wasn't doing anything wrong.

I think a lot about what I would do if I choose to have children, and I'm deeply ambivalent about becoming a parent. Besides the fact that my mother would command a presence in their life, I'm terrified of turning into her. I look at my internal monologue and the offhand comments I make to friends, and I see the effects of her parenting. I worry I'll be as overly involved, demanding, and strict. But then I think about what I'd truly want: for my kids to work hard toward their happiness, whatever that may be, even if there are unpleasant bumps along the road. And maybe this self-awareness is how you survive growing up a tiger cub.